Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
The Well

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 161 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
We're Sending Our Love Down The Well

In a nature reserve in Norway, two rangers pull up to a sign that informs us the trees are in the range of 400 to 9000-years-old. Also, that someone's spray painted a symbol of unknown origin on it, and one of the rangers is actually forced to say the line "Who would do something like that?" Like why not go the whole nine yards and give him a string of pearls and/or a monocle in that case?

Still, the show goes on to give us an answer to that simply horrified question, as inside the reserve, a young man and woman walk hand in hand until they reach a particular rock formation. Based on some written directions they recite to each other ("A halo of stones protect the tree still"), they conclude they're at their destination. We then cut to the dude revving up a chainsaw and going to work on the tree. Nearby, the rangers hear them, and the pearl-clutcher literally says aloud, "We should check that out." Like how slow does he think his partner is here and how filler-y is this episode that short-bus dialogue like that isn't getting cut?

After finding the tree, the guy cuts it open in a particular spot and finds a staff with alien writing on it. When he removes it, you can see it's uneven on its ends, so apparently it's a piece of a bigger object, but that doesn't stop the guy from returning to his girl and crowing that they finally found it. She kisses him and says she can't wait to tell "the others," and then his gloved hands hold it out to her and ask if she's ready. She nods before taking her bare hands and grabbing the thing, at which point it glows red and -- in a cool visual effect -- the symbols engraved on the staff appear in red light on her skin. She convulses but keeps hold of the thing as he exhorts her not to fight or be afraid of the rage that's flowing into her, and moments later, she lets go with an animalistic yell just as the rangers show up with a "What have you done?" line. This guy, seriously. They rush up to her, but she hits the non-pearl-clutcher with a palm heel that sends him flying into a tree at literal breakneck speed. If his partner blurts out "You killed him!" we missed it thanks to the appearance of the title card.

The S.H.I.E.L.D. team has arrived, and Simmons is afraid to walk up the fallen tree, even though Ward points out that it's only about fifteen feet. So up to now we have "Simmons won't take her parents' calls" and "Simmons is vaguely acrophobic thanks to her skydive without a parachute" as plot points. (I'm looking forward to seeing where "Simmons is ambidextrous" and "Simmons has never stepped on a crack for fear of breaking her mother's back" subplots take us). Ward then continues with the super text about "some feelings will take over if you dwell on them," which makes me wonder if the show sees the audience as the equivalent of the pearl-clutching ranger's partner. Also, Simmons is taking baby steps up the fallen tree while wearing a cable/harness contraption that looks like it would keep you secure even breaking the sound barrier, so her trepidation is really, again, pretty thin fare. Speaking of the pearl-clutching park ranger, he's shuddering to Coulson about the hate in the woman's eyes and then sniffling about how he ran, and now I have to think the writers are having fun with us because he actually asks, "Who would do something so evil?" YOU SAW WHO!

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Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

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